Chris Rock Quotes

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense.

Women HATE women. You get any two girlfriends in this room, been girlfriends for 25 years, you put a man in between them, "Fuck that bitch", "Fuck that bitch." Guys are not like that. Guys actually think that there are other fish in the sea, and if a guy introduces his boy to his new girlfriend, and when they walk away, his boy goes, "Aww man, shes nice, I gotta get me a girl LIKE that." If a woman introduces her new man to here girlfriend, and they walk away, her girlfriend goes "I gotta get HIM, and I will slit that bitches throat to do it." Every girl in here got a girlfriend they don't trust around their man.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

George Bush hates midgets.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

"If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!"

Black people have to fly to get to the same place white people can walk to

The only time a white person can say ni**a is if it's Christmas Eve between 4:30 and 4:49 am, and you're on your way to get your kid the last Transformer doll & right before you walk in, some black person pushes you, smacks you in the head, Riverdances on your head, takes your money, pisses on you, and runs away; if you're white you can say, 'somebody STOP that ni**a!!'